Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
