Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
