How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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