I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
