how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
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