I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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