escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
