For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
