I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
