Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
