I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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