I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I love you. Go after that dick
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
