No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
