if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He felt like a one man threesome
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
