he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
