We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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