therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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