Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
