Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
