You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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