I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
a search helicopter?!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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