She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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