Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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