did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
