Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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