i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
