i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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