Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize