Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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