community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
