I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my being single is dangerous.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
