Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
