the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
