i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
