glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
