And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
