when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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