dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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