I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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