does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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