I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
