heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
