My cat gives me a boner
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
