Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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