your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
