I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
