I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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