Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
A+ Viking dick
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
