She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
