Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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