I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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