you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
