my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
