I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
